My · life · & · current · shitty · thoughts...

Whats crackin yo?

Im bored right now I have crap to do, but i dont really feel like doing it. We're all in ms. fri's class chillin cuz we're either skippin or dont have a class, and Ms. fri is such a nice teacher. I love the song by Hart "magic man" it's good. Charlie and the choco. factory... lmao. Okies where am I going with this? Hopefully I will get to see kelsey on Friday.. it might be interesting. I am gonna miss intersession alot, next year.. and juneau but i am sure i will live. what else? good question huh? im off tomorrow and Monday... yay!! then fri im boreed till i have to go to the mall.. then sat. i have 4n6 hopefully i do well.. and then i gotta work.. and im having a blast at work lately.. i get everything done early.. u know me the damn over achiever. Then Sunday I have to work.. :( in the AM, and YAY for me... I get to party with Dogface, and Justine later.. then Monday we don't have any school.. so yet another day for me...! :D then i dunno I havent planned that far ahead.. but who knows.. umm

Words to the un-wise:
Jitting bottom isn't a weeks vacation, it takes time, HOWEVER, don't let your self fall for too long, for you shall not pull ur self out before it gets too late, there are some things that you need to be carefull about. Risks are good hitting bottom is good, you learning to take care of ur self is good, but don't let it get so bad where u can never come back up from the bottom because then u've hit bottom for nothing, you'll never know what u learned until you can step away from it, hence the reason for hitting rock bottom. so yeah.. just a hint of advise. You appreciate what u have, but u need to hit bottom to have experiences to learn from, and become an adult. rock bottom is a form of adolecence. but make sure you come up from adolecence. b/c if u don't u'll be stuck in it when u turn 18, and you WILL/ CAN be legally screwed over. You also need the rush of a risk... but too much adrenelene is not always good, just a word of advise of someone whos done exactly this, and came up and yes in some ways I AM PERFECT... I COUNT ALMOST EVERY CALORIE, I MIGHT GO A LITTLE OVER 2,000, I NOW HAVE LOW CHOLESTEROL, I AM ALWAYS HAPPY, OR SAD, BUT NOT DEPRESSED I AM A WINNER I LEARN.. EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR ME, AND THIS IS JUST WHO I AM I CANNOT HELP IT. DUH IM ARROGANT BUT THEN AGAIN IM NOT GOOD LOOKING, SO YEAH... okies schizophrenia is coming in so i better go.. ttyl.

Lately my life has been full of bullshit. I'm tired of it. Of course I haven't had the time of day to take my meds. But that's okay.. it's made me completely insane. I've come to the conclusion that I have no one, and that I am all alone. I am trying to remember what that feels like.. I didn't want my party weekend to end.. I was never alone. Even Edward Norton wasn't alone, he had Tyler Durden. I dunno what to do... I want my Tyler Durden. I want that loyal friend, who I can always count on. I want that, I need that. It drives me up a wall, that I can devote so much love to one person, and I've never seen it returned. Silence is deafening. No one listens, however when the silence clears.. they only wait to talk.. they don't pay attention to the little details in which we all pay so much time on analyzing.. when they just sit on their ass and think they know you all so well. Well guess what Jack? THEY DON'T! People don't know shit not even that one person who you've told everything to, that one person who thinks they know you so well. Because this earth and the individuals who live on it.. are ever changing on it, thus we are constantly changing and only the people in our brains can predict what we are going to do now! Who's in your brain? How many are in here? Mine= 1 for now. How about yours? No one understands every single little thing, and this is whats called communication.. What is it? it's where we tell each other how we feel and what we want. Why lie via communication, for more people to like us, and/or not to make them mad. Why do we do that?-Logically.. to get further than the other guy.. the competeor. So are our best friends/lovers/close relatives.. truly our enemies.. do we truly have to lie via communication to get them to like us more than the other guy... or to admire us.. thus we want them to like us and want to be like us? which would mean we would want them to hate themselves and be just like us.. which goes back to our original discovery -are all of those people who we want to admire us truly our enemies? Why be your self? when you can be like me (you ask your self)? I am a good role model..(you say to your self) then I ask you... what's wrong with alone time and why is silence defening? You wind up loving your self, and don't realize it. and hate alone time, and want other people to be like you... why? you'll just be talking to another you in no time, then you get sick of them and friend hop- the process in which a group of you are friends one minute and then the next you're not. you need a break from your self, and the people whom you've turned into you. Yes, you may not realize nor accept this, but you've turned them into exactly what you are, they may not even realize it or give you the same damn recognition you deserve.. but it was you who planted that very seed in their brain and helped it grow.. you were their influence. They don't give you that recognition, and now you're pissed. So now all you're left with is that empty hallow feeling, where silence hurts, you either need the phone, internet, cafe, music, T.V.... something anything to keep your mind off what you've ruined. You're left with a hint of arrogance but no one to appreciate what you are arrogant about.. why? because they don't think much of you anymore. Youre left right back where we started ALONE! With out Myspace, or AIM, or AOL, Kiss FM, friends, a T.V., or that one person who was different than you, and now cannot stand you because with or without their the same as you, thanks to you.. You are back to where you started. Alone. Hopping for someone to call.. they never do and this is why Schizophrenia kicks in.. that little man who is different pops into your head, and tries to make u turn into him. When you do.. you realize you are not perfect, or different from those tiny little mortals in which you thought were so weak and ignorant. This is when you kill your self, and hope that you can come back to life as one of them a weak and ignorant human being. I need to go relapse. Bye Bye.

Latley my head is so full that I just lost it. My question is Are we really what we make out lives to be? Or is it all pre destined for us? Who are we? Are we happy, sad or just normal, what is humor? I have so many questions, and I am more confused than ever before. My day strted out odd.. I went to McDonald's at about 5 45 am. I was exhausted and had caffenee pills. I ate a breakfast I normally wouldn't order. I studied my ass off and for 3 hrs I worked on my "cheat sheet" (which lamont borrowed to copy and supposely lost.. I will now fail TGeometry tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!) we can use on our Geometry exam. Well then 1st hour was gravy, 2nd hour I was partly late so it was homeroom- once again gravy. Than I went to go and get the debate room keys-- they were taken. Whatever.. So I went to the 1st floor computer lab- where there I did nothing. then I spoke to Jerry about how Dogboy robbed himself. (oh yeah this morning was drama filled with snow ball fights, me catching Beans cheating on me thru Justine, and Joe cheating on Jaime with her too! We also all snapped on Dogboy b/c he hit Kelsey and left a bruise. asss cramp he is!)We have a huge theory that I don't feel like typing up. what else? 4th hr- i stayed for a while and then went to the library where I was told we were on lock down... but I stayed and hung out with Robert and Jeremy, went to world history- just worked on debate evidence. i dont go down to lunch for those who know what happend.. thats my excuse. i went to Guetner no need to be there either, so i went and hung with Stephanie, that when she and I spoke about school and college, and I lost my mind, more shit I didn't know, like usual. went to AP history and then chilled for a while spoke to my new principal for next yr. and got reassurance. then went to art where i got my art work and borrowed a book from Kelsey. She's leaving. I have so much to study for, I am too tired. ugh, i can't stop crying im so miserable and yet not too long ago I was happy.. I had the happiness again, it seems to always dissapear.. I don't know waht to do. It seems like no one knows how I feel I know others have beent here and that was an idiotic statemnt. I am a fool...

what to say? what to say? ummerz. intersession is coming up and im tired. life goes by wayyyy to fast when you don't get time to "smell the flowers" I've come to the conclusion that well.. energy is hard to come by and I got an adrenline rush this morning. it was gravy! well i have liek 2 mins. this is pluto.. the reality I am on, and I over analyze stuff, and don't consider thaT you retarted human beings to ever understand.

Today I stayed home, I have to go to work tonight, but I needed a break so I skipped school today. I am exhausted and every oone knows how I am when it comes to having a clean enviornment right? Well The house hasn't been cleaned in over two weeks. See, and when that happens things get icky.. lol. And dad doesn't clean, i dunno why, but it's all good. I like cleaning lol. Jerrod's gonna be mad at me. I wasn't there for debate today- well i was "SICK" yet I will be at work tonight. lol.

My tummi hurts and I dont feel good. I'm gonna be down at the Grand today. yay. I get to go shopping for a little bit. 3103 today. I wanted to type up my report on why we ought to keep jumeau open... and yeah.. it turns out that I don't even have the crap i need to type up the report it's in my locker and I can't leave. Jerrod packed me with varsity stuff for this weekend and just b/c he did that, I'm not going to debate tonight. I need to get my check, and go shopping. so yeah.. lol. I'm hoping that a certain person didnt show with a certain 3103 so i can spend more cash on clothes. b/c with more money the more clothing i can get and purses. I need a new purse. I'm done with most of my work for the week. so yeah. I got a 3.7 and i'm upset.. i wanted liek a 4.0 i tried hard enough.. grr argh. im not even sure i want more clothes, or where to go shopping for the right ones, but thats what shopping is all about. lol. okies well i guess i gtg.. me

Well everyone here is an update fo you: on sat. the 29th the night before we go T or T om sun. we will also be going to the RHPS. before that we will go to the graveyard to play hide and go seek. hope u all r ready for an adventureous sat. night. ull need 8.50+ bus fair(maybe) to come along.. so yeh gimme a call and let me know what ur doing. gtg ttyl

Sara Sertich

Hour-8

“How to Make sugar” –Extra credit

10/18/05





















“PROCESSING SUGAR”

“Sugar cane is a giant grass that thrives in a warm, moist climate. Like all green plants, it grows through the process of photosynthesis, converting sunlight, carbon dioxide and water into sugars and other chemicals. Sugar cane is the world's champion sugar producer, storing prodigious amounts of sugar in the stalks. It's a long, fascinating road from the cane field to the sugar bowl. At the sugar mill. the sweet juice is pressed out of the shredded cane, clarified and boiled under a vacuum, until it thickens into a brown syrup and the sugar crystallizes out as a solid. The thick, dark liquid left behind is molasses. The wet sugar crystals are then spun in a centrifuge; a spinning perforated drum just like the drum in a washing machine that flings the water out of your laundry during the spin cycle. This leaves behind brown raw sugar which contains a bacteria laden assortment of miscellaneous plant junk and is declared by the FDA to be unfit for human consumption. The raw sugar is then shipped to a refinery, where it is carefully washed and centrifuged to produce light tan tubinado sugar, which is now almost pure sucrose. Although its mineral content is quite negligible it is revered by health food fans as being more natural and health full than white sugar. It does have a mildly "brown" flavor that some people prefer. You can buy it in health food stores and some supermarkets. White table sugar is the end-product of further crystallization, and is the purest sucrose of all about 99. 9% pure Considering the fact that even raw sugar is already 96% to 98% sucrose, it's hard to understand the claims of some health-food enthusiasts that granulated table sugar causes all sorts of diseases, while the slightly less-pure sucrose doesn't. Light and dark brown sugars are made up or sugar crystals coated with varying amounts of molasses, which lends a slightly grainy, moist texture and a strong flavor. They are produced either by leaving a small amount of molasses in the sugar or by adding a little molasses to refined white sugar. Dark brown sugar has a stronger flavor than the light, but the two are generally interchangeable in recipes. Sugar beets grow best in a temperate climate, storing their sugar in white roots that look like fat carrots in need of a shave and a haircut. At the refinery, the beets are sliced and soaked in hot water to get most of the sugar out. The resulting liquid is similar to one of the later stages in cane sugar refining, so there is no molasses or raw-sugar stage.”




Bibliography:

Sugar
http://www.psgrill.net/Food/FoodInfo/Miscellaneous/sugar.html
10/15/05

Well i just wanted Amy, and Amanda to have a happy anniversary with rosemary, and bobby tonight wil be the 4 yr. anniversary.. and crapiddy crap.

I get to turn 17 in like 2 weeks. I want a surprise b day party, and im hoping gina makes thaT WISH COME TRUE. after last year, im still not in the mood to throw one... lol. this is my fav. time of the year, where everything is so beautiful. im soo happy right now. I came home early from school today b/c i menstrated thru my pants.. ick

I havent had enough time of rlj lately b/c of school, work, debate, and friends. next semester im joining 4n6, and softball. yeah man.. lol. they bumped me up to varsity aftering being in 2 debate tounements. yay! i am nastolgic of this timke of year, and today im going to go out side and enjoy it.. i will do that as much in the next 3 weeks as much as possible. every year at this time my life takes a major turn of events, and it peaks, to it's extremely bad/ extremely good parts.. but this year i have a very different feeling.. a feeling that it will be all good. I'm secure finally... thank god/ess. today im going up to msl by bike, and try to get gina to walk around with me.. and maybe even amanda. FYI TO EVERYONE: trick ot treating is once again held at my house this year from my house to gina's house.. then to WFB. Also, im going to try to find out when sheboygan trick or treating is. The night when everyone sleeps over before trick or trating the events of the night will be: walking around, playihng hinde and go seek in the graveyard.. and all of that fun stuff.. we need a big group of people so.. gimme a call everyone~!!!!!!!!!!!: 444-7095

Well here is an update: School is too fuckin easy right now. I joined Debate. I'm having FAR too much fun with that. I spoke with my manager at Walgreens. I am in the process of obtaining my ssc, and birth certificate. My Dr. never called back.
Chaney, Marcel, and Giner were supposed to come over but chaney canceled on me. Me and Giner were going to go to Tosa fest, but than I canceled that plan, i didnt feel like it. Than I changed my mind, and we went. Didnt do much there. Saw alot of ppl I know there, and crap. we had coffee, and I decided that I'd go to the RHPS with giner.
we went and all i can say is: I had a blast! elyse was there. and it was loads of fun. There was also a lingre contest, so me and giner participated. I was a finalist, YAY (i really needed that for my confidence right now) I was so proud of giner for going up there, normally back in the old days neither of us would've done that. We got spanked and it was awsome. I saw nina there.. it's been a while since I've seen her... creepy right? At first i was so nervous about being so naked... but i did it.. and boy oh boy it felt good afterwards. well not much else to say. gtg :) Im a happy camer right now

Okies well let me tell you.....

My second day back at school was funni. I saw Beans. meh. Justine never said shit to me, little WHORE! umm what else? I got switched to Chemistry, so my day on Tuesday will be a lil different. Next year, I'll be senior status. yayayayay!!!!!!!!!!!
Umm what else? nm. I went to Giner's right away after school. I met a girl wo lives over there, and is new to Juneau. Umm me and giner went to get some 3103, we got to see April, and Tae's baby, which was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute, Tae's got some good ass shit. We partied. We saw some people fucking in a portajon- that was great. We almost got caught by the cops, even more fun ;)~ trippiness.. which made it extra fun. I dropped my lipstick, and Gina almost smacked me, lmfao. What else? Um, we went back home and 31030-ed some more. Than played barbies. Who would have thought that grown women would fuck tiny boy babies.. lol, don't ask. Babries rave- WHO U BE? MiKe'S mOm!!!! LOLOLOL!!! Than we we laid in bed and tripped out. I woke up to a bright light. Giner went to work, so i just read books, and then she came home. We ate, and than we fell asleep. we woke up to hyper ass chaney & Marcel. We all went back to my house.
At my house we watched vidiotic diaries 1&2; they got to see a small ass penis, and than we smoked a little bit. we all caught a small buzz. We than were sitting there, and I was wearing my white GUESS t-shirt, and chaney, a lil fucked up starts rubbing her nose on me. she was doing it for like 10 mins. lol, she stops, rubs her nose with her hand, me, her, and Marcel all look at her hand, and gina (who hadn't realized what happened yet..) starts laughing, I than pull to look at my shirt, where there is blood smeared all on the arm. Gina told me to wear it with pride, and I will. (ew) lol. So than we eat pizza, and go outside to walk gina to the bus stop, she went to spy on certain ppl. we than go to the gas staation. We also went to 2 different parks. We than went home. They went into the bedroom to "talk" and than i get them after about a 1/2 hr. We took Marcel to the bus stop. Than me and chaney go back home and talk, and get ready for bed, and talk to dogboy. Apperently Justine told Kitty that dogboy cheated on her with her. Fucked up right? Yep. I guess Bean now hates Justine which is funny. I think Bean really hates her b/c shes going out with Mike and not him, b/c I think he likes her. ANYWHO, me and chaney go to bed, and she starts to feel me up-lmfao! we fall alseep and I woke up-
I woke her up, and she put on make up, she raped me and made out with me, even tho i didnt really "make" back. lol. but i did get tounge action, LMFAO! It was great! we got ready, and went to the bus stop. CORN NUTS! lol. Umm and now here I am. Me and Giner are thinking of going to take over the world tonight. LOL. Umm Walgreens has yet to call. Also, my dr. never called back. well okies i gtg wish me luck! byebyes!

Well. Let me tell u all about my 1st day back at day school- Juneau. None of the people who I know were there, b/c it was only for new students. All of my teachers that I know asked why I was here for this day? I said basically b/c I never went to day school here, and I needed a locker. I don't have to share a locker :)! Umm I made some new friends. There was an extremely hott ass guy there. Yummi! I cannot explain him, just know that he was my dream, and would've been urs too. I didn't feel that confident, but it was all good. I only had a half day. Umm... there really isn't much else to tell, oh yeah when we were all waitng outside a teacher whom I don't know walked up the stairs and was Like, "Hello Everyone," "Welcome to Juneau." Than a car in the background slowly turned up the rap music... the timing was insanely trippy! I felt liek I was in a movie. If I do ever finish my fiction book, I want to write a biography. HAHAHAHA. That'll be at the end of my carrer. Can't fuck up what I don't have yet. lol... if ya know what I mean. Oh yeah, there was a girl from Dominican High school. Creepy right? yeah for those of u who can remember dominican high school is located in white fish bay. If ur important who'll know what I'm talking about. lol. I'm gonna talk to her, and ask her if she knows any of 'em. Umm as for school.. well, thats what happened. Tomorrow is gonna be the most tough day, though. I don't know if HE'll still be there, but if he is that's going to be awkward.

Matters of Dogboy and Justine and crap:

Well Just as I had said: Mike and Justine cheated on dogboy. Mike fucked her! a month before her and dogboy broke up. I knew she was whore. word from a good friend told me so. Plus it was also an impluse. What else? Well, she cheated on Mike. HAHAHAHAHA! Yepp. Isn't that great? She is such a whore. U see when I played the clique, ui was never once dirty about it, or insincere, and if I was... i fixed the problem before it got out of hand, or atleast tried to. She also admitted to dogboy she cheated on Mike. lmfao. Dogboy is actually thinking about telling Mike about it. I wouldn't. Mike wont believe him. Just as he hadn't with Kelly, However Mike is a liar, just liek Justine. This is Mike's karma.
Karma sux doesn't it?

My life is kinda sucky right now.... Walgreens hasn't called me back.. and my life is pathetic right now... but I am sure I'll live.


Thanx to convo with Erika and Marcell:
I want a guy who can give 50%, not 75%, not 5%, 50%. I had that once, but there was very little in common, and small amount of attraction. If i can find that one guy who gives 50%, has something in common with me, and sexual attraction.... That equation equals chemistry. Chemistry= Passion. I just realized this... thats the perfect guy for me. I won't hold my breath, I'm sure it will be years. The only guy i ever encountered that I felt that way for was Tyler. Maybe someday he'll come back to me, when I'm in college. He's tainted now tho. Sometimes I miss it, the true passion, the true love that I had for only a small amount of time. However, Right now I just wanna have fun. I guess I am so much more glad it went this way. If tyler wouldn't have left my life wouldn't be nearly as great as it is now. I honestly can't chose weather or not I wish he'd show up in the future, or not. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

Well i gtg ttyl

Nash was loads of fun yesterday.. creepy spider webs.. that I couldn't reach, the yellow brick road, creepy alien field, gina looking around like a spy, and creepy evil cars that like to slow down to watch u late at night.

Why is it the Jennifer Tilly is so fuckin' hooootttttttttt in the movie Bride of Chuckey? She's sexy as hell in that movie.

I bought some hair dye today. I had to give blood for my blood tests- Insulin, cholesterol, and checking for a Hypo-active thyroid. Good god I've been tested for alotta stuff. lol.

Not much else to tell, got alot on my mind. I am still scared shitless of school. I have been typing up my book (working on getting it published) since we got this computer.

"IT" is hilarious when ur stoned.
But yet anyone who has gotten high before knows how sleepy u can get.

The "The World Weekly News" newspaper is a crock of horseshit! I got to do alot in the past two years.... I mean like Life-goals wise, and I got alot done this summer too.

YES i passed my drug test.. CAN U BELIEVE IT? yyayayayayayayayay!!!!!!!! i went to my dr.'s appt. and i have to have some blood work done tomorrow. so many times i get all of this blood work done, it's kinda creepy. I GOT MY ZOLOFT!! thank the heavens.. my day got better thank you god/ess :D

I have great insurance, i just need to get to my doctor. I think i realize why I have been getting worse, and worse... i think it's my meds. I haven't been on them for a long while.

Last night i felt like utter shit. Why? Well because I realized that, I have maybe 2 friends that are only really truely genuine to me. Everyone else is friends with me just for convience, and thats fine, but what i really can't stand, is that underneath it all they all truly dislike me, I am a bitch. Or atleast I feel I have been lately. Thats why I miss my zoloft.. it helped me not be so damn bitchy.

I want hair dye, I feel ugly with this color. (The way the roots have taken over more than my whole head.) I can't really aford it this week, so I am patiently waiting (or atleast trying to).

I saw Krystal last night, she had a black eye...Tasha hit her again. Why is she so weak? Why? I don't understand it. My sister has always been sick in her head. ALWAYS. She always had these really fucked up issues. Why is she this way? Ugh.

I am scared out of my mind to go back to school. I also know Justine is going to go to Juneau this year, and I would love to beat the bananas out of her, but i doubt I will waste my time, and there really isn't much of a point in doing so, either. All I will get out of it would be the pure surging impact of seeing, hearing, and feeling her skull hit the pavement, or my fist. I could almost taste her blood as it gushes out of her skull... CAN U IMAGINE IT? It would make me happy, but so momentarily that it would be for nothing. You see I am starting to get blood thirsty again... this is one of the major reasons I was on Zoloft. I also than look at the big picture of life and knowing the schools I want to go to, life I want to create for myself... They'd look up my juvy record, and if I did that to her, they could charge me with attempted manslaughter, which i guess it would be in all technicallity, or atleast the courts would look at it that way.... so yeah I can't do it. I want to do the same thing to Tasha.. but the family, and shes so strong.... ufh, it's not worth it. None of it is.


Alrighty I gotta go. ttyl Love, me :(

So much has been going on. Hotel parties are fun, and much love from my family to urs. trying to pass a drug test, with much difficulty. Might work for a certain place. Dogboy and Kitty are going out. Intersting mix right? School starts soon, and I don't want to go. No one cept Elyse and Andi have written in a long time. Why is that? Why is Megan such a horrible bitch? Other people are too. I won't say names. This could get back to them, but giner knows what I'm saying. Fat kids are sexy. I went to a brewer's game. We kicked much ass. I am afraid to go back to school. I know i have to shove it and go though. We went to state fair- man that was fun. Not much else has been going on. I keep thinking i see people everywhere. it's really odd. I can't stand it. Many drugs- for the last time. well for the last time atleast, until xmas break. i think... anywho i herd from ZZ. He's doing great. A year and a half everyone... then i graduate, if i pass all my classes. Scariness. I can't imagine myself doing it.. but i have to. okies. i gtg ttyl- wish me luckers. and start updating more people.